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  ~Paris Hilton that’s just fabulous. ~Sex in the City music of your soul. ~Katharine Hepburn ~Margaret Cho ~Henry James
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Friday, March 30, 2007 Elana ~ Definitely Blue Personality Congratulations, elana, you are a BLUE personality. The Core Motivation that drives you through life is "Intimacy". It is important to note that this does not mean sexual intimacy. BLUES need connection - the sharing of rich, deep emotions that bind people together. As a BLUE, you will often sacrifice a great deal of time, effort, and/or personal convenience to develop and maintain meaningful relationships throughout your life. BLUES seek opportunities to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated, especially by their partner. Everything you do as a BLUE has to be quality-based, or you won't do it at all. You are incredibly loyal to friends, employers, employees, and above all to your significant other. Whatever or whomever you commit to is your sole (and soul) focus. As a BLUE, you love to serve and will give freely of yourself in order to nurture the lives of others. BLUES have distinct preferences and are the most controlling of the four personalities, although they may not acknowledge (or even realize) the fact. Your code of ethics is remarkably strong and you expect others (not only your partner and those closest to you, but everyone) to live honest, committed lives as well. You enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation with your partner as well as remembering special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). Labels: elana  
 Tuesday, March 27, 2007 Dear Diary, I got this in a Spam email and normally I instantly delete them but for some reason I read through it... it kind of matched with what I have been posting about lately and thought I would add it while I thought it over. Here it is. elana * * Starting today I will: * ... love myself the way I want to be loved. The manner in which I treat myself sets the tone for how others will treat me, so I will respect myself, believe in my worth, and take pride in my unique beauty - both inside and out! * I will see the world as full of possibilities and live each day believing that I could meet special people at any time, in any place. The openness I feel within my heart to meet someone wonderful will transcend to my outward appearance; I will smile,laugh,and be just as friendly and approachable in the grocery store, in line at the bank, and while walking my dog down the street on a Tuesday morning as I am at a party on a Friday night. * I will strive to complete MYSELF. This means pursuing my career or passion, spending time with my family, and enjoying an active social life. When I am happy with my life and feeling fulfilled I am not expecting someone else to complete me. This confidence and contentment is the antidote to neediness and will attract healthy, quality people who want to be a part of my fabulous life! * I will choose NOT to engage in the emotional turmoil of an unhealthy relationship and instead only give my heart to a man who is truly WORTHY of me. * I will HAVE FUN and remember that life is to be enjoyed, not agonized over! * I will FORGIVE myself for those times I discover negative thoughts in my head and will push them out, replacing them with positive things. Labels: Dear Diary
Monday, March 26, 2007 I really like these quotes, I didn't care for the new 'Catwoman' movie but there are a couple quotes that really touched me. You've spent a lifetime caged, By accepting who you are all of who you are you can be free. and freedom is power. ~Catwoman I really feel that if I could truly accept all of who I am, truly accept myself... completely wholey totally... that I would feel free. I know who I am, have learned things that I enjoy doing ~ for me. There are still parts of who I am, my behaviors, my thoughts, my views on different things that I am working on changing because I don't like them or those parts of myself. I know I am hard on myself so maybe I can learn to embrace who I am ~ but first I must truly accept myself. For a long time, I thought that I needed to find a Partner who could totally accept me, but now I am learning that it first comes from within. In my old life, I longed for someone to see what was special in me. You did, and for that, you'll always be in my heart. But what I really needed was for me to see it. And now I do. You're a good man, Tom. But you live in a world that has no place for someone like me. You see, sometimes I'm good. Oh, I'm very good. But sometimes I'm bad. But only as bad as I wanna be. Freedom is power. To live a life untamed and unafraid is the gift that I've been given, and so my journey begins. ~CatwomanOf course most of the time I was teasing, but I have always said that when I am good I am very very good, and when I am bad... well it depends on how bad I want to be. Sometimes when I am bad I am still good at it. haha My favorite part of this quote is "to live a life untamed and unafraid" ~ that sounds truly amazing! Not that I want to have to go about it the way that Patience did in the movie, but perhaps once I reach the reality of total acceptance... I can begin my own journey. Labels: Dear Diary, quotes
Sunday, March 11, 2007 'You responded well to the taking,' I said. 'Perhaps it is fitting for you. 'You do not respect me,' she said 'You do not want to be respected,' I said. 'You want to be cherished, treasured, handled, abused, mastered, owned, subdued, forced to serve and love.' She was silent. ~Renegades of Gor Something about this quote lingers in my soul. "You do not want to be respected... you want to be cherished, treasured, handled, abused, mastered, owned, subdued, forced to serve and love." At first glance it may sound like a bad thing, but I cannot get it out of my head. Yes those are things I want, and to give me those things a Man cannot truly respect me in the sense of seeing me as an equal. And I don't want him to! I don't want to be his equal, I want to be his treasure, his possession, his pet, his cherished love, and sometimes his property. Good or bad, raining or sunshine, I want to be His. Deep down, I want to be His, truly His. But there is a difference between being disposable and being valued, because I want the second. Yes it may sound bad at first, but I want him to do anything- come hell or high water- to protect me, guide me, keep me safe and hold me close to Him... Not dispose of me like some two bit street whore picked up at 3a in an alley. Yes I am a feminist, I do not desire this because I am female and can not do it alone-- I want this because I have a gentle spirit, a giving heart, and a burning need to please and serve. Yes I could be happy alone, making my own decisions, doing my own thing, consumed in my own needs/wants... I could do it successfully... but I wouldn't be who I truly am. To me, this quote is about the difference of dynamics between man and woman, and Man and slave. Sometimes there is something more wonderful than being respected as an equal. Sometimes the best thing one could be, is His pet. *authors note: fictitious 'His/Him' because this adorable elana girl is single.* Labels: quotes, thoughts on D/s or M/s
Thursday, March 08, 2007 Dear Diary, Six of my thirteen staff are 'out' right now, including my assistant manager. Each have different reasons for missing work, but each will gone a while before coming back. All of the shifts must be covered by yours truly, so needless to say... work has been hell. I forced myself to take a break and allowed myself to indulge in my current hobby, back-yard bird feeding. So this early afternoon, I took down my seed feeders, cleaning them out and getting ready to refill them. As I was mixing in the new seed with the older seed, familiar scent of the mix, feeling the cool grains slip through my fingers... something happened. I wouldn't call it a flash-back, but I had a very powerful memory consume me. With the blink of an eye I was eleven again, helping my grandfather get the feed ready for our cattle. I used to love to play in the grain feed, the sweet smell of corn, the cool kernels, the weight of them sifting through my fingers... It was always my favorite part of my chores. It only lasted a moment, but it was wonderful. I was calm, free, and happy. Just as suddenly as it possessed me, the memory left me. It left me exhausted, mentally drained, and just... empty. So I'm clearing my afternoon (blowing off a meeting) and going to lay down for some rest. I just wanted to post about the memory in case it isn't as strong once I wake. elana Labels: Dear Diary
Sunday, March 04, 2007 Most of us who enjoy power exchange have tried to come up with the best way to explain how important trust (which requires communication and consistency) is to a (power exchange) relationship. While exchanging emails with a new friend, he put into words what I have been struggling to say. Power exchange without developing trust is just playing out some fantasy. ~FeelMyDomination Its spelled out perfectly in this statement and he has given me permission to quote him. :) For me, "play" (I hate that word for it) without the trust is like acting out a scripted play instead of sharing something intense between the two. Of course I am probably reading a lot more into it than he intended, because for me, any play at all without power exchange is scripting out a fantasy. But I agree with what he stated too. Thank you again, Sir, for allowing me to post your words in my blog. elana Labels: quotes, thoughts on D/s or M/s
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~His Pixie~ my best fairy friend who dazzled up this template with her fabulous pixie dust and imagination.
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