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  ~Paris Hilton that’s just fabulous. ~Sex in the City music of your soul. ~Katharine Hepburn ~Margaret Cho ~Henry James
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Friday, October 20, 2006 Jumbled Thoughts a jumbled rant by elana Pixi helped me log onto blogspot and even pointed me in the direction of this template. I loved it instantly, and even had the picture that goes along with already, because I connected so strongly with the picture. A friend of mine instantly protested because he said it was "to dark and sad" and that those things wasn't me. I refused to change the template, because I am still drawn to that picture. I can almost feel her frustration. Yes I think she is sad and emotionally tired. I think she is feeling a bit down... and yes, those things line up with how I am feeling right now. I'm tired of all of this. I'm tired of meeting people, raising my hopes a bit, and then just ... nothing. I don't know what it is really. The Doctor is a nice guy, I enjoy talking with him, but I don't feel he hears me. I feel that I do pretty well communicating but I need someone who can actually hear what I'm not saying too. But in all fairness, my mom and pixi are usually the only ones who can hear what I'm not saying. Well, YahooGuy used to be able to, but that feels like a lifetime ago.... I have a right to be a little picky. I do not want to settle, just as I hope the One I end up with doesn’t feel he is “settling” for me. I'm not saying I want to rush in and get married or start popping out kids immediately, but eventually I do want a long-term relationship (marriage) with the right Guy. I have spoken with a local guy who seems to be on the same wave-length about D/s as I am. But he continues to give me “the talk” about how “real dominants do this that this that and this other thing”. I don’t want to have my concerns brushed under the rug with “everything will be perfect.” I’m getting to the place where words are nothing without actions to support them. I pay attention to actions and how others talk to me, but not just about themselves, but also about other people in their lives. I firmly believe that the way a man talks about the women in his family (even his ex-wife) is the way he will talk about me. Plus the way he treated his ex-s and his family is how he will treat me. Its foolish to believe otherwise. I’m sick and tired of being asked for sex or grabbed sexually by a guy who feels that since I am an adult I want adult fun with everyone who can reach me. It doesn’t matter if the guy is D/s or vanilla, most of them only want to discuss sex, have sex (either in person or on the phone), and try to make a girl feel guilty because ~ God forbid, she take sex seriously and not be a whore. I don’t want just sex, trust me I have plenty of offers for that from men I am attracted to and I know will please me sexually. But I want emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, most importantly I want a mental connection with a man who not only knows me but loves me. Plus, I want a guy who will check my blog every day or two to see if I have updated it, wanting to know my thoughts and read what I have put down... But without me having to prompt him to look at it every time. Surely he would have a minute or two in his day to check on a girl as cute as me. Thank you for listening, elana Labels: rants  
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~His Pixie~ my best fairy friend who dazzled up this template with her fabulous pixie dust and imagination.
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