Tuesday, October 17, 2006



Reality Shows by Zodiac Signs

Just for fun, let's imagine that you've been assigned the task of creating a reality show for your Sun Sign. Just yours. It probably would go something like this:

elana is a Leo:
(July 22 - August 22)
Think you can dance? Sing? Act? Entertain? You, Leo, answered "absolutely" to each and every one of those questions - with gusto. So coming up against those notoriously nasty judges wouldn't intimidate you one bit. In fact, your idea of a reality show, since you're the bonfire of the three fire signs, would probably be titled,
Talking Back: Teaching Those Insulting Judges Some Manners. Judge Judy Sheindlin ("I'm speaking!") would be your technical advisor.


Here are the other signs :)

Aries:
(March 20 - April 19)
Your sign's patron planet is Mars, the god of war, whose drug of choice is adrenaline. So when it comes to reality shows, Survivor and Fear Factor are boring, in your book. Your reality show would have a lot more bite to it . . . say, keep the stunts, but at least get rid of those wimpy safety belts and nets.

Taurus:
(April 20 - May 20)
You're a money magnet. So The Apprentice may be a mildly amusing display of fiscal amateurs vying for some pocket change - for only a year, the ultimate insult. That's certainly not how you'd do it. Make the reward a million a year - for life! And the challenge? Start with 34 cents and a Mobil card. Basically, when life gives you lemons, the challenge is to turn it into Cristalle. Now that's reality!

Gemini:
(May 21 - June 20)
You have a long list of talents, including a knack for switching sides, rapid-fire - easy to do, since you were born under the sign of the Twins. So that swapping moms show is far too tame for your tastes. If each contestant had to swap languages or career specialties after just a few weeks' training, now that would be a challenge! Ever see the Holiday Inn Express commercial?

Cancer:
(June 21 - July 21)
That Martha Stewart Apprentice clone? Bet it made you giggle - or at least smirk. You've done what they've done many times. A real challenge, in your mind, would be phoning up ten contestants on a Thursday evening to inform them that the caterer for their daughter's wedding on Saturday just canceled and that they'll have to do it all themselves, right down to the toothpicks and the white paper doilies.

Virgo:
(August 23 - September 22)
The Biggest Loser? In your mind, it's a noble cause. A good, honest competition for a good, honest reason: health. But there's more to it, and given the chance, you'd prove it, from the ground up. While The Contestant was busy slimming down or having cosmetic surgery, you'd be redesigning her home, finding her the ideal job, and straightening out all of her relationships. Your reality show would be called Total Makeover - or, more likely, There, That's Better.

Libra:
(September 23 - October 22)
Was The Dating Game an early reality show? Well, it may have been more realistic than The Love Boat, but neither one even came close to what you know about relationships. You know how simultaneously delightful and impossible they can be and how much we all need them. Since they're your specialty, you'd do a show on them, probably entitled, Making It to 'I Do' in Two Years or Less.

Scorpio:
(October 23 - November 21)
Pluto may have been recently demoted to non-planet status in the eyes of some astronomers, but to astrologers - and to you, Scorpio, since he's your guy - that's nonsense. Extreme anything is his - and therefore your - jurisdiction. So even Scare Tactics is way too tame for your kind. Your reality show would be called Worst Fears, and you'd make Fear Factor look like The Wizard of Oz (the Munchkin Land part, not the forest).

Sagittarius:
(November 22 - December 20)
There are two sides to every Sagittarius: the philosopher and the clown. Since philosophy might not make for much of a reality show - after all, even you wouldn't tune into Religious, Atheist or Agnostic - let's go with the clown side and think of you as the writer/creator/producer of something called Exactly How Much Embarrassment Can You Stand? Hey, if America's Funniest Home Videos and Letterman's "Stupid Pet Tricks" and "Stupid Human Tricks" can work, you'd be a shoe-in for the Emmy.

Capricorn:
(December 21 - January 18)
Uniforms and Saturn are a match made in heaven, and Saturn just so happens to be your ruling planet. So a reality show that stars law enforcement officers - from Cops to Dog the Bounty Hunter - that's right up your alley. Your show would be far more intense, though. Forget riding with Cops. How about Riding Undercover with Navy Seals? Now, that would be realism.

Aquarius:
(January 19 - February 17)
Reality shows just about belong to your sign. They show people doing startling things, most of which they'd have bet, just days before they signed those contracts, that they'd never, ever do. Those court shows, tattoo shows, and following-the-star shows are boring. Your idea of a real reality show would be something like Inked, where not one single part of the series, be it star, concept or adventure, is even close to normal.

Pisces:
(February 18 - March 19)
When it comes to glamour and beauty, there's no reality show, including Swans, Project Runway, or even The World's Next Supermodel, that could hold a candle to your idea. Forget about simple outer glamour. You'd go for the whole package and choose a super-intuitive staff to assist you in "cleansing" and revitalizing the entire person - from the inside out. Your crew would include the Dalai Lama, Christian Dior, Miss Manners, Jenny Craig, and the psychic of your choice.

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elana sweet :: 10:06 AM :: 0 Comments:

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