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 ~Paris Hilton that’s just fabulous. ~Sex in the City music of your soul. ~Katharine Hepburn ~Margaret Cho ~Henry James
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Thursday, October 26, 2006  This isn't me and that isn't my ass, but it does make me laugh. Thought I would post it here for safekeeping. If you know whose ass it is, please let me know and I will post credits for her, um, work :) I know its a little early for a "Happy Halloween" entry but I will be on vacation then and wanted to have an entry for my favorite holiday. :) I've always enjoyed Halloween, even when my family didn't celebrate it. We were always allowed to go trick-or-treating growing up, but it wasn't a big deal to my family. Then a couple years ago it became something all of us could do together. Pranking eachother, giving out candy to neighborhood kids, scaring the smartass teens in the neighborhood, so now we all love it. But I loved it first... I like the idea of focusing on one part of myself with a costume, either the innocent side (like this year) or the bitchy side (like last year), and of course the mischievous side.... well that side gets tapped into a lot. haha So Happy Halloween!! elana  
 Dear Diary, I'm pretty tired today. I haven't had any time off work in a long time, at least not time off that I didn't have to go work somewhere else. I have to be honest, I'm looking forward to being able to curl up with a good book in quiet, take an uninterrupted nap, and a long hot bath without having to get out for the phone. I'm going out of town for Halloween and really looking forward to it! Halloween is my favorite holiday :) I am going to dress up like a purple fairy and hand out candy. I love haunted houses and haven't gotten to go to one yet, but am hoping to be able to this year. So try not to miss me ,dear Diary, I will be offline for at least a week. I'll post again once I get back from my "vacation". elana Labels: Dear Diary
Tuesday, October 24, 2006 A Deeper Look at Elana People think they really know me, my thoughts, and what kind of person I am because I tend to appear friendly. I have the tendacy to put others at ease and am sincerely interested in other people's feelings and going-ons. However, not many people truly understand what makes me tick. Pixi understands me, always. It doesn't matter my mood or level of emotional stress, pixi always understands and helps me get down to the nitty-gritty of whats going on and what I'm feeling.Hopefully, this post will help serve as a decoder ring, of sorts, for others who want to get to know elana a bit better. So sit back, take notes, and while you receive a guided tour of elana's personality (according to Jung-Meyers Briggs).  Healer Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in striving for their ends, and informative and introverted in their interpersonal relations. Healer present a seemingly tranquil, and noticeably pleasant face to the world, and though to all appearances they might seem reserved, and even shy, on the inside they are anything but reserved, having a capacity for caring not always found in other types. They care deeply-indeed, passionately-about a few special persons or a favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their loved ones and the world. Healers have a profound sense of idealism derived from a strong personal morality, and they conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place. Indeed, to understand Healers, we must understand their idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The Healer is the Prince or Princess of fairytale, the King's Champion or Defender of the Faith, like Sir Galahad or Joan of Arc. Healers are found in only 1 percent of the general population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more isolated from the rest of humanity. Healers seek unity in their lives, unity of body and mind, emotions and intellect, perhaps because they are likely to have a sense of inner division threaded through their lives, which comes from their often unhappy childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood, which, unfortunately, is discouraged or even punished by many parents. In a practical-minded family, required by their parents to be sociable and industrious in concrete ways, and also given down-to-earth siblings who conform to these parental expectations, Healers come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. Other types usually shrug off parental expectations that do not fit them, but not the Healers. Wishing to please their parents and siblings, but not knowing quite how to do it, they try to hide their differences, believing they are bad to be so fanciful, so unlike their more solid brothers and sisters. They wonder, some of them for the rest of their lives, whether they are OK. They are quite OK, just different from the rest of their family-swans reared in a family of ducks. Even so, to realize and really believe this is not easy for them. Deeply committed to the positive and the good, yet taught to believe there is evil in them, Healers can come to develop a certain fascination with the problem of good and evil, sacred and profane. Healers are drawn toward purity, but can become engrossed with the profane, continuously on the lookout for the wickedness that lurks within them. Then, when Healers believe they have yielded to an impure temptation, they may be given to acts of self-sacrifice in atonement. Others seldom detect this inner turmoil, however, for the struggle between good and evil is within the Healer, who does not feel compelled to make the issue public. Full descriptions of the Healer and Idealists are in People Patterns or Please Understand Me II Princess Diana is an example of a Healer Idealist. Healers never seem to lose their sense of wonder. One might say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It's as though they live at the edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects come to life, where flora and fauna take on near-human qualities. Healer children often exhibit this in a 'Calvin and Hobbes' fashion, switching from reality to fantasy and back again. With few exceptions, it is the NF child who readily develops imaginary playmates (as with Anne of Green Gables's "bookcase girlfriend"--her own reflection) and whose stuffed animals come to life like the Velveteen Rabbit and the Skin Horse: "...Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand..." (the Skin Horse) Healers have the ability to see good in almost anyone or anything. Even for the most unlovable the Healer is wont to have pity. Of course, not all of life is rosy, and Healers are not exempt from the same disappointments and frustrations common to humanity. As others tend to have a sense of failed competence, Healers struggle with the issue of their own ethical perfection, e.g., performance of duty for the greater cause. A Healer friend describes the inner conflict as not good versus bad, but on a grand scale, Good vs. Evil. Luke Skywalker in Star Wars depicts this conflict in his struggle between the two sides of "The Force." Although the dark side must be reckoned with, the Healer believes that good ultimately triumphs. Some Healers have a gift for taking technical information and putting it into layman's terms. Brendan Kehoe's Zen and the Art of the Internet is one example of this "de-jargoning" talent in action. Healers live primarily in a rich inner world of introverted Feeling. Being inward-turning, the natural attraction is away from world and toward essence and ideal. This introversion of dominant Feeling, receiving its data from extraverted intuition, must be the source of the quixotic nature of these usually gentle beings. Feeling is caught in the approach- avoidance bind between concern both for people and for All Creatures Great and Small, and a psycho-magnetic repulsion from the same. The "object," be it homo-sapiens or a mere representation of an organism, is valued only to the degree that the object contains some measure of the inner Essence or greater Good. Doing a good deed, for example, may provide intrinsic satisfaction which is only secondary to the greater good of striking a blow against Man's Inhumanity to Mankind. Healers face outward, greeting the world on behalf of Feeling. What the observer usually sees is creativity with implied good will. Intuition spawns this type's philosophical bent and strengthens pattern perception. It combines as auxiliary with introverted Feeling and gives rise to unusual skill in both character development and fluency with language--a sound basis for the development of literary facility. If others aspire to word mechanics, Healers would be verbal artists. A Healer’s sensing is introverted and often invisible. This stealth function in the third position gives Healers a natural inclination toward absent- mindedness and other-worldliness, however, Feeling's strong people awareness provides a balancing, mitigating effect. This introverted Sensing is somewhat categorical, a subdued version of SJ sensing. In the third position, however, it is easily overridden by the stronger functions. The Healer may turn to inferior extraverted Thinking for help in focusing on externals and for closure. Healers can even masquerade in their “professional” business suit, but not without expending considerable energy. The inferior, problematic nature of a Healer’s Extraverted Thinking is its lack of context and proportion. Single impersonal facts may loom large or attain higher priority than more salient principles which are all but overlooked. Labels: elana
Monday, October 23, 2006 Chasing Rabbits Not really a rant, more like a ramble Today has been ~ urg ~ first my computer wouldn't boot up and after several hours and calls for tech-assistance to pixi and a guy at work it finally started booting. However, now my yahoo messenger won't work. I can see people on my buddy list and can even see a message window when I get something from them, I just can't see the words or any words I send to them. Plus I get a funky little error message. So I will try again tomorrow, for tonight I'm exhausted. A couple weeks ago I scheduled a massage. I thought it would be a nice way to relax some, plus I was needing to be touched ~ in a nonsexual way. I think that's the worst part, I never realized how much I needed to be touched until recently. But that's another blog entry. Anyway, I went for the massage last week and lets just say it was NOT what I expected. No, it wasn't sexual ~ geeze get your mind out of the gutter! :) I ended up going to a muscle therapist. To make a long story short, I was really sore for several days afterwards. I am going back in a couple days for another session and am actually looking forward to it. Once the soreness wore out, I felt great. :) Watching the Lifetime channel tonight I saw one of those Breast Cancer Victim Rights commercials by Jewel. She is so pretty, her hair is fantastic but her body is plasticy-shiny. What's wrong with her? Is she hot and sweaty? Or did they just shine her up for the commercial? But why would they do that? Hmm... They do the same with Phoebe on 'Charmed', she always looks so shiny! I don't like that look. It could be her tan but ~ they still have very light reflective skin. If that makes sense? I like 'Charmed', and picked up Season 6 this weekend. Pixi tried to get me into it five years ago or so, but Grace is the one that got me hooked on it over the last two years. I don't really watch a lot of tv, but I do like those made for tv movies. I watched one over the weekend called "The Initiation of Sarah" which was originally aired in 1978 but this was an updated version. Now that I think about it, I may try to rent the older version because I haven't seen it. I like the Thirteen Days of Halloween on ABC-Family, thats where I seen the movie at. Sometimes Grace or I will both watch the same tv-movie (or sitcom) at our own houses and call eachother on the commercials, pixi and I did that during a Lifetime movie that was really good. Pixi has found some old writings that she has done over the years. There is one she read to me on the phone that I can't get out of my head. She has such an amazing way with words and our desires/personalities are so similar, that sometimes it feels like she wrote something on my behalf. How narcissistic is that? Pixi said that I can post a few of them on my blog and I will probably do that, but not tonight. Tonight I'm tired, I can't even keep my thoughts in order so I'm posting here for a second then going on to bed. elana Labels: rants
Control If its something I want, why do I fight it? There is no better feeling than to be in the control of Another. Its as if, the weight of his leash is a comforting reminder of my position as His. His pet, His girl, His to control. Even though there are times that it feels amazing, there are still times when my feet dig in a little bit, almost stubbornly curious at what will happen next. The only way I can think of to explain what it is like, for me anyway, is the following example.  A man gets a new puppy. The puppy is timid at first, but he is patient and gentle when he clicks on the leash and take the puppy outside. At first, the puppy is still unsure of this man, so she stays close and almost up under his feet. However, as the puppy gains familiarity with the man, and him with her, she grows braver. At first, the puppy begins to explore the circle around the man during the walks. Each time going a little further out until the leash is pulled taunt. Eventually, if the man allows, the puppy will begin to drag him along the walk, and in turn begins walking him. Yes it is a little aggrivating for the man to have to teach the puppy to walk with him, allowing him to set the pace and lead. But, if the man wants a pet he can guide and teach, maintaining control on the leash is the very first step.Yes I understand that testing that control is natural, and necessary to the relationship, but... I hate feeling like I am fighting it. Some would say "then just stop fighting it, elana" but its not that easy. Its not that easy... The same is true with that emotional/mental/sexual leash, or however you want to describe the bond between Man and woman as they enter and maintain a power exchange relationship... Labels: thoughts on D/s or M/s
Saturday, October 21, 2006 You have a unique personality. Although most like you, sometimes you take some getting used to. You can be a bit strong. You are full of energy and sometimes flamboyant. You are the life of the party but if people are not careful you can knock them on their ass. What Naughty My Little Pony Are You? Labels: quiz results
You Are Ariel!  Headstrong and fiesty. You have a mind of your own that's full of romantic dreams about the world around you. Exploring exotic places is your ultimate dream, and although you can be a little naive you'll realize that there is something to be gained from your family's wisdom. Which Disney Princess Are You? Labels: quiz results
Labels: quiz results
Dear Diary, I don't know why I am feeling so restless this week. Its almost like, I could cry if I hugged my pillow just a little harder. I don't know what’s wrong with me~ my feelings are getting hurt quicker, I can't get enough rest, and its not that I don't feel well but my stomach's all "blah". It kind of feels like my hormones are making me weepy, cranky, and just down right irritable. Its like I want to pick a fight with anyone who comes near me. Not because I want to fight, but because I want to make sure people are going to stand up to me, toe to toe, without letting me push them around and get my way. I don't want my way right now, I want... I don't know what I want. Labels: Dear Diary
Friday, October 20, 2006 Jumbled Thoughts a jumbled rant by elana Pixi helped me log onto blogspot and even pointed me in the direction of this template. I loved it instantly, and even had the picture that goes along with already, because I connected so strongly with the picture. A friend of mine instantly protested because he said it was "to dark and sad" and that those things wasn't me. I refused to change the template, because I am still drawn to that picture. I can almost feel her frustration. Yes I think she is sad and emotionally tired. I think she is feeling a bit down... and yes, those things line up with how I am feeling right now. I'm tired of all of this. I'm tired of meeting people, raising my hopes a bit, and then just ... nothing. I don't know what it is really. The Doctor is a nice guy, I enjoy talking with him, but I don't feel he hears me. I feel that I do pretty well communicating but I need someone who can actually hear what I'm not saying too. But in all fairness, my mom and pixi are usually the only ones who can hear what I'm not saying. Well, YahooGuy used to be able to, but that feels like a lifetime ago.... I have a right to be a little picky. I do not want to settle, just as I hope the One I end up with doesn’t feel he is “settling” for me. I'm not saying I want to rush in and get married or start popping out kids immediately, but eventually I do want a long-term relationship (marriage) with the right Guy. I have spoken with a local guy who seems to be on the same wave-length about D/s as I am. But he continues to give me “the talk” about how “real dominants do this that this that and this other thing”. I don’t want to have my concerns brushed under the rug with “everything will be perfect.” I’m getting to the place where words are nothing without actions to support them. I pay attention to actions and how others talk to me, but not just about themselves, but also about other people in their lives. I firmly believe that the way a man talks about the women in his family (even his ex-wife) is the way he will talk about me. Plus the way he treated his ex-s and his family is how he will treat me. Its foolish to believe otherwise. I’m sick and tired of being asked for sex or grabbed sexually by a guy who feels that since I am an adult I want adult fun with everyone who can reach me. It doesn’t matter if the guy is D/s or vanilla, most of them only want to discuss sex, have sex (either in person or on the phone), and try to make a girl feel guilty because ~ God forbid, she take sex seriously and not be a whore. I don’t want just sex, trust me I have plenty of offers for that from men I am attracted to and I know will please me sexually. But I want emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, most importantly I want a mental connection with a man who not only knows me but loves me. Plus, I want a guy who will check my blog every day or two to see if I have updated it, wanting to know my thoughts and read what I have put down... But without me having to prompt him to look at it every time. Surely he would have a minute or two in his day to check on a girl as cute as me. Thank you for listening, elana Labels: rants
Wednesday, October 18, 2006  She is yours to hold in your cupped hands, to guard and to guide. Give her your strength and wisdom and all the good that life can offer. Yours is a sacred trust. Never harm her with words that can bite and sting. Lead her into truth. - Tapestry of Voices - Labels: quotes
Tuesday, October 17, 2006 Dear Diary,  Last night I actually went to bed early and was literally in bed asleep by 11p! No Diary, that’s Eastern Standard Time! I was talking with the Doctor last night, and exhaustion just slammed me fast. He sent me to bed, called to tuck me in, and I slept until almost 2:45a without waking up at all! When I got up, it only took a few minutes of walking around to go back to sleep for a couple hours, then again at 5a before I had to get up for work at 7a. I am thankful that he helped me get settled last night, and he gave me that permission I need sometimes to go to bed at an earlier hour. I really enjoy talking with the Doctor, and look forward to spending more time with him. I don’t want to go to quickly though because I do get scared off easily ~ but the Doctor wants me to be comfortable and says we can go at my pace. Sometimes he will say something like me being the one for him or something because we haven’t met yet… we haven’t spent that much time together, not in the long run. I do want to get to know the Doctor better and am excited about meeting him and spending more time together. Pixi says for me to just take it one day at a time, but she may be a bit concerned about the speed of things also. I just know that I really liked him tucking me in last night and really really want to get to know him better. Well its off to work for me. elana Labels: Dear Diary
Reality Shows by Zodiac Signs Just for fun, let's imagine that you've been assigned the task of creating a reality show for your Sun Sign. Just yours. It probably would go something like this:  elana is a Leo:(July 22 - August 22) Think you can dance? Sing? Act? Entertain? You, Leo, answered "absolutely" to each and every one of those questions - with gusto. So coming up against those notoriously nasty judges wouldn't intimidate you one bit. In fact, your idea of a reality show, since you're the bonfire of the three fire signs, would probably be titled, Talking Back: Teaching Those Insulting Judges Some Manners. Judge Judy Sheindlin ("I'm speaking!") would be your technical advisor. Here are the other signs :) Aries: (March 20 - April 19) Your sign's patron planet is Mars, the god of war, whose drug of choice is adrenaline. So when it comes to reality shows, Survivor and Fear Factor are boring, in your book. Your reality show would have a lot more bite to it . . . say, keep the stunts, but at least get rid of those wimpy safety belts and nets. Taurus: (April 20 - May 20) You're a money magnet. So The Apprentice may be a mildly amusing display of fiscal amateurs vying for some pocket change - for only a year, the ultimate insult. That's certainly not how you'd do it. Make the reward a million a year - for life! And the challenge? Start with 34 cents and a Mobil card. Basically, when life gives you lemons, the challenge is to turn it into Cristalle. Now that's reality! Gemini: (May 21 - June 20) You have a long list of talents, including a knack for switching sides, rapid-fire - easy to do, since you were born under the sign of the Twins. So that swapping moms show is far too tame for your tastes. If each contestant had to swap languages or career specialties after just a few weeks' training, now that would be a challenge! Ever see the Holiday Inn Express commercial? Cancer: (June 21 - July 21) That Martha Stewart Apprentice clone? Bet it made you giggle - or at least smirk. You've done what they've done many times. A real challenge, in your mind, would be phoning up ten contestants on a Thursday evening to inform them that the caterer for their daughter's wedding on Saturday just canceled and that they'll have to do it all themselves, right down to the toothpicks and the white paper doilies. Virgo: (August 23 - September 22) The Biggest Loser? In your mind, it's a noble cause. A good, honest competition for a good, honest reason: health. But there's more to it, and given the chance, you'd prove it, from the ground up. While The Contestant was busy slimming down or having cosmetic surgery, you'd be redesigning her home, finding her the ideal job, and straightening out all of her relationships. Your reality show would be called Total Makeover - or, more likely, There, That's Better. Libra: (September 23 - October 22) Was The Dating Game an early reality show? Well, it may have been more realistic than The Love Boat, but neither one even came close to what you know about relationships. You know how simultaneously delightful and impossible they can be and how much we all need them. Since they're your specialty, you'd do a show on them, probably entitled, Making It to 'I Do' in Two Years or Less. Scorpio: (October 23 - November 21) Pluto may have been recently demoted to non-planet status in the eyes of some astronomers, but to astrologers - and to you, Scorpio, since he's your guy - that's nonsense. Extreme anything is his - and therefore your - jurisdiction. So even Scare Tactics is way too tame for your kind. Your reality show would be called Worst Fears, and you'd make Fear Factor look like The Wizard of Oz (the Munchkin Land part, not the forest). Sagittarius: (November 22 - December 20) There are two sides to every Sagittarius: the philosopher and the clown. Since philosophy might not make for much of a reality show - after all, even you wouldn't tune into Religious, Atheist or Agnostic - let's go with the clown side and think of you as the writer/creator/producer of something called Exactly How Much Embarrassment Can You Stand? Hey, if America's Funniest Home Videos and Letterman's "Stupid Pet Tricks" and "Stupid Human Tricks" can work, you'd be a shoe-in for the Emmy. Capricorn: (December 21 - January 18) Uniforms and Saturn are a match made in heaven, and Saturn just so happens to be your ruling planet. So a reality show that stars law enforcement officers - from Cops to Dog the Bounty Hunter - that's right up your alley. Your show would be far more intense, though. Forget riding with Cops. How about Riding Undercover with Navy Seals? Now, that would be realism. Aquarius: (January 19 - February 17) Reality shows just about belong to your sign. They show people doing startling things, most of which they'd have bet, just days before they signed those contracts, that they'd never, ever do. Those court shows, tattoo shows, and following-the-star shows are boring. Your idea of a real reality show would be something like Inked, where not one single part of the series, be it star, concept or adventure, is even close to normal. Pisces: (February 18 - March 19) When it comes to glamour and beauty, there's no reality show, including Swans, Project Runway, or even The World's Next Supermodel, that could hold a candle to your idea. Forget about simple outer glamour. You'd go for the whole package and choose a super-intuitive staff to assist you in "cleansing" and revitalizing the entire person - from the inside out. Your crew would include the Dalai Lama, Christian Dior, Miss Manners, Jenny Craig, and the psychic of your choice. Labels: quiz results
Sunday, October 15, 2006 What Color Should Your Toenails Be? Elana's Toes Should Be White  A little funky and a little fresh, you're constantly evolving your flirting style. Your ideal guy: A witty brainiac with hottie potential. Stay away from: Overly dorky guys who become obsessed with you. Now see that isn't cool because I don't like having plain white toenails... I prefer pinks, reds, and dark oranges :) Colors that are fun, light, and very springy pinks or summery reds. But this quiz did nail the type of Men I am attracted to... I find intelligence is extremely sexy. Labels: quiz results
Friday, October 13, 2006  Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says: 'I need you because I love you.' ~ Erich Fromm ~ For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. ~ Judy Garland ~ Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get - only with what you are expecting to give - which is everything. ~ Katharine Hepburn ~ Love is not counting the years, but making the years count. Love is made by two people, in different kinds of solitude. It can be in a crowd, but in an oblivious crowd. Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do. ~ David Wilkerson ~ Labels: quotes
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Labels: quiz results
'Gorean' Quotes I can relate to  John Norman wrote a series of books based on an alternate world he called Gor. I do not believe that these books were written as a basis for one to live his/her life. However, I do believe that Norman wrote the different cultures in the books based on different cultures throughout our times. I hate the books. I hate trying to read them and most of the time I can't stand those guys who claim to be 'gorean masters' because they feel their superiority lies in the fact they have a penis. It takes a lot more than that to make someone a Master. Just as it takes more than taking off your clothes to make a girl a slave.That being said... There are a few quotes from different books that get my attention. I have posted them here. ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ "In denying it we deny our own nature. In betraying it we betray no one but ourselves. The master will never be happy until he is a master. The slave will never be happy until she is a slave. It is what we are." ~Explorers of Gor, page 159~ "The collar is put on from without, but what it encircles comes from within. Slavery, true slavery, comes from within." ~Savages of Gor, page 210~ "He is Master and I am slave. He is owner and I am owned. He is to be pleased and I am to please. Why is this? Because he is Master and I am slave." ~Explorers of Gor, page 184~ "Women dream not of equals," she said, "but of masters." ~Fighting Slave of Gor, page 116~  "The love of a slave girl is the deepest and most profound love that any woman can give a man. Love makes a woman a man"s slave, and the wholeness of that love requires that she be, in truth, his slave." ~Magicians of Gor, page 31~ "Beauty and intelligence are all well and good," I said, "but the best slave is she who loves most deeply." ~Magicians of Gor, page 204~ "Slave girls relish compliments. Indeed there is a Gorean saying to the effect that any woman who relishes a compliment is in her heart a slave girl. She wants to please. Most Gorean men would not think twice about collaring a girl who responds, smiling, to compliments. A desire to please her Master. When she is complimented she knows she has pleased him." ~Beasts of Gor, page 17~ Labels: quotes
Wednesday, October 11, 2006 Responsibilities a rant by elana I have taken on the responsibility of several grown men by accepting my job. I hold four lives in my hands every day with the decisions I make at work and the professional choices I peruse. Granted, this was my choice, but it also became my responsibility to continue to keep them in my focus. It doesn’t matter if I am having a bad day, not feeling well, or in a bad mood ~ I have to take those men into consideration before I make any and all decisions. There have been times I have been sicker than a dog or exhausted to the point of tears ~ I still had to get off my ass and go to the grocery store because my guys needed milk. As a Leo I am a dependable, loyal person anyway, but more importantly it is what I agreed to do. I know myself. I would as dedicated to meeting the needs of my Partner that I am for my guys, if not more so. However, I would also expect my Partner to meet my needs in return. If He chooses for me not to work, then He becomes responsible for not only meeting my financial needs but also my intellectual need for stimulating conversation (and not just sexually stimulating). I am so very confused right now. Part of me is angry, another part of me is hurt. I shouldn’t be either, because I am not directly involved. My very best friend is in a situation that I can’t do anything about. She has found herself in this situation more than once and although I am confident that this is something she needs to learn for herself, it doesn’t make me less angry with her current partner. All I can do is be supportive of my friend. Only she knows what is the right path to take on this journey. I hope that she knows I will support her 150% ~ even if I wish I could just sit her down and say “listen sis, enough with the games. You deserve not only better treatment but more than this so snap out of it.” Doctor says I shouldn’t give to much of my opinion like that, and this time, I think He is right. However, if my friend asks for my help its all fair game :) Labels: rants
Labels: quiz results
Labels: quiz results
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Labels: quiz results
Friday, October 06, 2006 You Should Get A Butterfly Tattoo  Girly and funky For you, tattoos are a thing of beauty - not toughness Labels: quiz results
Wednesday, October 04, 2006  Sisterhood Sisterhood is very different from any other type of relationship out there. Closer than friends, emotionally closer than lovers, almost as if the two share a lifeline. Are we born into this special bond or can it form over time? I have two sisters, a biological sister, Grace, and a heartsister, pixi. Both of these amazing women are my best friend. I can tell Grace almost anything and she will not only understand but also give me her honest opinion. I know she means well and only wants me to be happy. But there are some things I can't tell her. She doesn't understand my desires for structure, my need for discipline, or my craving to please. Luckily pixi mirrors these needs and more. I do not think of my heartsister as just my best friend, for she is much more than that. In another lifetime, I have no doubts that we were biological sisters, for my soul quickly recognized her as a confidant, a friend, an extension of my own heart. Few people are not intimidated by this bond between my heartsister and I, and even less understand it. I know this sounds funky, but when she is in pain or needs me, I can feel it... and when I am in pain or need her, she feels it. There have been many times the phone rings and I know it is her, or she knows it is me. Not even my biological sister and I are this close. But the thing is, I don't remember knowing my heartsister and NOT being this close to her. It was instant, from day one, yet we both knew it wasn't the first time we had teamed up. Every person I have dated has been intimidated by both of my sisters. Grace and pixi have two very different personalities. Grace and I share a bull-dozery quality, however mine is masked behind a momma-hen desire to protect those who are closest to me, Grace openly enjoys running over people. There is on doubt that between the two of us, Grace is the alpha female. Her desire to keep me safe and protect me bypass lessons of manners and etiquette we were taught growing up. Where pixi, on the other hand, is subtle in her observation. Even if she doesn't support the decision I am making, she supports me and my right to make that choice. (A concept completely lost with Grace.) Between the two, pixi is the one who is not easily won over. That sister will give you enough rope to hang yourself. My sisters not only bring out but protect a very different part of who I am, what I am. The three of us may not always agree on something, we rarely all three agree on anything. haha But they are both my sisters and I love them both very much. I need both of their relationships, because without either of them, I don't make sense. Some say that the hardest thing about finding a partner is finding someone you 'click' with. Well with elana, He also gets two sisters as part of the package. No He will not be given control or say over either of them, but He must keep in mind my relationship with each and honor that.  He must also accept both of my sisters, without doubt of my dedication to Him, without question of their support for me. Because if I have to choose, He will loose.Everytime. To my sister who is reading this, I love you. You have no idea how much you and your friendship mean to me. I will support you 150%, without question, without fail.
Monday, October 02, 2006  At the Window A warm cheek presses against the cool caress of the glass, each breath fogs up her vision for a moment as eyes settle unseeingly on the horizon. Her heart skips as something grabs her sight, sitting up a little straighter a gaze narrows as she peers into the darkness, studying the shadow that has come into play. Tall and looming, the figure pauses at the walkway for the briefest of moments. What feels like a lifetime’s second, he turns and passes by. A disappointed sigh leaves her frame, shoulders slump as the teddy bear is hugged closer almost protectively. The little girl once again settles in against the window, and waits. Hoping beyond hope that the right Daddy for her will be by soon.
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~His Pixie~ my best fairy friend who dazzled up this template with her fabulous pixie dust and imagination.
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